Few parents of my students play the piano themselves.
They can still make a huge contribution to their childrens’ musical development
if they understand what happens at the lesson and then keep the lesson alive
throughout the week by guiding the practice sessions.
Should parents attend the lesson? For at least the first
several years of lessons, I ask parents to sit in on lessons and supervise
practice sessions. I recently asked some parents and children how they felt
about this.
A 9-year-old said, “It’s comforting to know my Mom is
there. At home she can explain things to me if I forget or didn’t completely
understand.” Another student had good advice for parents: “My Mom used to sit
in my lessons so that, in case I forgot something, she could remind me. I would
get nervous with her there, because she always had such a serious face on, and
I never knew what she was thinking. So I talked to my Mom about it, and after
that whenever I’d look over at her during a lesson, she’d go like this: [thumbs
up, with a smile] And that made me feel so much better.”
To help parents help their children, we use several
tools: a recording of the lesson, an assignment sheet, the Practice Guide and
the student’s weekly practice schedule.
The recording: All the parents considered the recording
important. One mother said, “The recording gives us complete and accurate
information from the lesson. I refer to it so that I can remind my son what to
work on. I also show him how he can listen to some parts on his own. Once when
he forgot to record I noticed that his practicing was much less efficient. So I
make sure every lesson is recorded.”
The assignment sheet: I made my own assignment sheet so
that it showed the categories I wanted covered. I used to fill it out in
duplicate—one for the student, one for me—and ask parents to use it to make
sure all tasks are covered each day. Now I do it on the computer, and send out
the notes by email.
At home, students look to their parents for praise, help
in acquiring discipline, and feedback.
Praise is a powerful tonic. A 13-year-old explained,
“Sometimes kids might avoid practicing when parents are not supportive. But if
parents say, ‘Wow, I really enjoy your playing, you’re making so much
improvement,’ that makes kids want to do more.”
Parents are sometimes ambivalent about this. “It is very
difficult for me to give praise because I feel that my child does not have
enough discipline. I want him to pay more attention to fine details, to
understand that the fine details are what make a piece beautiful.” Yet this
same parent noticed that “when I tell him I see improvement in his playing, he
practices more happily and is more willing to work repeatedly on problematic
sections.”
Discipline Students frequently mentioned the word
“discipline.” I was surprised that they seemed so appreciative when saying
things like, “Parents make us practice.” But then I realized that children
don’t want full responsibility yet. In effect, they want their parents to do
the hard work of making sure the practicing gets done.
Parents also keep away distractions and help children set
specific practice goals. One parent commented, “I make her practice more before
a performance. This makes her more comfortable with the pieces and reduces her
anxiety.”
Feedback. My students also count on their parents to tell
them how their practicing sounds. They know this makes their practicing more
effective; at the same time they enjoy their parents’ attention. A parent said,
“I try to say positive things although I often ask her to review the piece a
little more and work on trouble spots. Or I’ll say, ‘Try those scales at a
slower tempo so they sound better.’”
“When I first started,” a 13-year-old observed, “my Mom
sat with me when I practiced, and we worked out problems together. She helped
me to recognize mistakes and find solutions. She doesn’t sit with me anymore,
but I still ask her questions, and it’s very helpful to know what she thinks. I
would tell parents, though, ‘Don’t hover over your child, because when we’re
practicing we want to focus, we don’t want to be worried about a hovering
parent.’”
Somewhere along the line, often when students reach
middle school age, parents stop attending the lessons. It may also happen that
a child as young as 9 or 10 functions poorly in the parent’s presence. In such
a case we experiment with parent-less lessons, an arrangement that usually
becomes permanent. By the time students are in high school, I tell any parents
who are still sitting in on lessons, “From now on, you are welcome to attend an
occasional lesson, but should no longer come on a regular basis.” By this time
I expect students to be working more or less independently at home; I also
believe that being alone with me in the lesson allows them a kind of freedom that
is crucial to their musical development.
Overall, the parents in my studio felt that without their
help, piano practice would suffer, and their children agreed. But one father
took it a step further when he said, “Keep up with your child’s music world. It
is part of your life (hopefully it is the good part). If you stop, you may lose
an important connection between you and your child.”
Nancy O'Neill Breth 